Samuel

July 1, 2012 I found out that we were expecting our 4th baby....it had been a long time since I'd told my husband that news!!

September 24, 2012 is the day I found out we had lost our sweet little baby.

I had a routine check up with the OB, but he couldn't find a heartbeat with the doppler. We went in the other room to do an ultrasound. He said sometimes early on it can be hard to find. The ultrasound confirmed my fears though. I was 15.5 weeks along and somewhere around 14 weeks we had lost our baby. I only felt that flutter of a kick once...so light I wasn't 100% sure that is what it was. I decided to do a D&C so it was scheduled for Thursday. I had to come back in the next day so the dr could soften my cervix. That procedure was difficult (and painful) enough to go through let alone what was to come.

September 26th I woke up at 5am in a lot of pain. I took one of the pain pills they prescribed me but it wasn't going away. In fact, it kept coming in intense waves, like labor. I woke up my mother-in-law and she called the doctor. We were to go to the ER and he would do the D&C now. I got ready to go and felt two big gushes. I had been bleeding so thought that is what had happened. I went to see if I needed to change before we left and that is when I lost my son. Freaking out, scared, panicked...we wrapped him up and headed to the ER; the usual 45 minute drive was made in barely 30 minutes. After being given antibiotics, morphine, and I don't remember what all else, the dr tried to get the placenta out naturally. I couldn't handle the pain of that any longer so I was headed to get the D&C after all. A wonderful L&D nurse came in and talked to me and told me we had a boy and he was beautiful. She tried to get hand/foot prints, but he was too tiny :( 

The night before the story of Samuel came to me. At this point, we did not know for sure our baby was a boy, but I knew it was God telling me my son's name and that is what we call him. Samuel. Although I never got to hold him and he never took a breath he is a part of me...our family...and will never be forgotten!